Tuesday, September 3, 2013

You can do this!

I know that right now, it is really very tough for you. I can't really imagine how it actually feels like to be in depression but I can totally imagine it to be fucking horrible. I really want to help you, get you back on your feet, but there is so much I can do, it is ultimately still up to yourself.

But first thing first, you need to stop drinking cose it doesn't solve anything. I'm not too sure abt the medication but u will eventually need to stop eating it too. Just try to think and believe that u r alright, and slowly you will=)

I would go over to your house and keep you company every day if needed but there is FKING A LEVELS. sorry:/

But really, I miss Eugene, I miss fatboy, I miss theoneandonly16, I miss my CHS GK, I miss the old you:/


My C Div goalie!



Our floorball place

Miss your old smile

trying to hit the ball on the pole

Feast like we used to


Yolo as always

Eat!

Be retarded?



Bully jieying!

I really miss your old smile!






Hang in there

Forever my goalie

 Still remember why this blog even existed in the first place? Cose my BRO WAS THERE FOR ME WHEN I WASN'T OKAY. Now is my turn to be there for you.

Here goes... 50 reasons for you to get well and be the same OLD EUGENE LEE :')

1) Whose gonna be my CHS dream team goalie!!
2) My daily dosage of FAT.
3) What if I can't finish my bread I pack to school!
4) Whose gonna call me COCKEYE!
5) I want the old eugene lee back, if not I'll feel very sad.
6) Everybody tat care for u are sad.
7) Your parents need u!
8) School is boring without u
9) I want my BBQ like always=)
10) The 4 of us came to TJ tght and we will forever be tght no matter what happens.
11) Where's the GP rep
12) Nat needs to be suaned!
13) DINO PARADE
14) It really sucks to do nothing and be bored to death at home
15) Got dota but still.... Hanging out with bros is definitely more awesome^^
16) 16 must always be 16!
17) I need random jio for movie and stuff!
18) My jersey is still with you >:/
19) I want my mahjong sessions!
20) and drunk sessions too, but u don't go drink on yr own ah
21) 21 needs 16
22) I miss the genuine laugh from u
23) Why can't we turn back the clock and cherish those great times we had
24) I bothered to come with 23 reasons, you need to get well cose u got an awesome fren here
25) If I'm halfway done, you should have the same determination to get well.
26) GFAP needs eugene too.
27) I need my crazy bro around me!
28) Whose gonna call me ER GER!
29) I love you!
30) Whose gonna call me BLIND when I call him fat!
31) Whose gonna use my pen when he doesn't bring a pencil case
32) and bottle
33) foolscape
34) tissue paper.... u know this list can go on
35) We haven't gone ice skating yet!
36) Watch fala chen get rape bojio!
37) Team no sniper pls needs u!
38) Joshua is hairy
39) Nat is short
40) Derek needs his logic punch!
41) I might eventually have normal eyes, you need to live to see that day come!
42) I need to tell you everything abt my story with Ria, bro session!
43) whose gonna bring a guitar to my house and watch hangover with me=(
44) I'm not planning to write another 50 anytime soon.... ;)
45) Whose gonna go gym with me!
46) and chinatown curry noodles! claypot rice!
47) You are one of my really closest bro EVER
48) You 16X3= 48
49) stop drinking and leave some for me bitch
50) I miss the old Eugene and I want him back:'(

Don't You Quit..

"When things go wrong as they sometimes will
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill.
When funds are low and the debts are high.
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit.
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns.
As everyone of us sometimes learns.
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out:

Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
And you never can tell how close you are.
It may be near when it seems so far:
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that you must not QUIT.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

See this whenever.

Sup sup sup. :) Late thanks for the birthday wish. How's sec 4 life so far?






Its really scary to walk this path alone
but think I will be better off alone.


How would you know? How could you possibly be so sure?

Monday, November 15, 2010

LOLOLOL

Don't think you still visit here but I believe you will someday...

Wish you in advance of 1 day, happy birthdae!!!

Live happily and hope that all your wishes come true.

Glad to have a brother like you~

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Bye

Time to say bye to this blog...

Really appreciated all that you've done for me but really, I better keep things to myself. Really can't stand the awkardness when you meant face to face about whatever I wrote on this blog. The feeling... it's... a feeling I can't stand.( dunno how describe)

But ty for everything. =)

Monday, August 16, 2010

YEAH~! :D

Haha way to go Darrell! SO glad you have sorted out what you feel inside and even came up with a solution! :D Haha and btw maybe you don't know this but when you said that people didnt see you the way you really are and like noone understands you, maybe you are not the only one. For example, you feel that people dont understand you or dont know you, for all you know maybe you ALSO dont really know who he really is or how he is feeling deep down inside. You spoke of the "mask" like it was something like uncommon, but maybe, just MAYBE, everyone ELSE has that EXACT same "mask".

 "Trust me, I’m just a kid that doesn’t know what he is doing until he realized what he have done. I got no plans, no vision, no complicated mindset. I’m simple, trying to act chime and secretive, that’s all." <<< For all you know EVERYONE is like that. So i guess just know that whatever you are feeling, you are never alone..

Maybe this may come as a surprise or something, but this is something about me i want to share with you: Out of ALL the hundreds of people i EVER knew in my LIFE. My family, my friends, my enemies, ANYONE, there is not ONE SINGLE (mortal) person in this entire world that i can stand infront of, hold my head high, and say "this is me" proudly without lying. Seriously. Noone in this world (not you, not joshua, not lander, not isaac, not my dad or my mom or my bro) knows all my flaws. Noone knows all my secrets. Noone knows how i think, how i feel inside, what i b!tch i was in primary school or what are the greatest demons inside me that i have to face day after day. Demons that i have very little confidence in overcoming. I hope that as time goes by, maybe you will be the first.. Haha.. But yeah, just know that you are normal, and you are never alone.

You said that you really hate admitting this and stuff, but Darrell, there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, just something to be proud of. Because of all the people who have this problem, maybe you are the only one who dares to admit it..

So yeah just keep this line in mind: Accept that you're not perfect, but believe that you are.

(May seem like abit of contradiction haha.. But if you dont know what it means then can ask me i'll explain to you. i promise it will make sense)

And again: I'm very glad you have sorted things out. :D

Hey

Just wanna write whatever is on my mind right now.

I really, really want to cry now, let it all go. All the pain and misery I'm experiencing right now. I really hate myself, hate myself for being unable to accept defeats, unable to accept failures. It's okay to feel sad but I'm not just sad, I'm jealous, I'm unable to accept that I'm imperfect afterall...

What's wrong with me!!! I hate myself. One defeat and I’m down already, am I that weak? Get over with it Darrell, get over the results of this term and work towards the final year exam… But, can I get over with it?

I really want to do well for this EOY and this time round, I’m not only talking big without doing anything. I’m rather serious this time round, I can’t afford to screw up again. Not me, I will not stand another stained record in my life. Here’s a BIG BIG secret, I’m a damn it perfectionist that can’t accept a fucking defeat, not even once. Maybe it’s good in a way since it can motivate me to work harder but on the other hand, I’m too pessimistic and it totally goes against my principles of taking things easy. Know why I came up with so many theories on life and bla bla bla? Cose I can’t fucking takes thing easy, I’m too obsess with winning, I want to win and be the best in everything. Life definitely wouldn’t be smooth, I’m bound to fail sometime and I’m unable to accept it. Why? Why make life so hard? Why bother being the best in everything? This is a question I have always been asking myself. Respect and glory? My foot. I don’t give a fucking damn about all this shit. Maybe I do.

Truth is, I don’t even know what I want, who I am anymore. I’m confused. I’m just living everyday doing whatever seem right to me. I’m aimless now. I just am carrying on whatever I was thinking and planning in the past. I’m lost now, I have lost sight of my aim already. I promised myself to not commit so much in studies and let it be part of my life but not my life itself and now I’m trying to spam study. Or should I study? I need to think over all of this but I just can’t seem to figure it out. You can’t help me so just save it. Only I can solve it myself.

All of this may seem unimportant, I continue to live like I used to in the past. But I’m not just one of those lifeless muggers that got no aim in life, no feelings, no passion, no friends, no fun, just books. I’m not them, I’m different. But then again, why be different. I can just be common, just an ordinary student but I’m doing much more than that. For what? God knows…

Losing sight of life is just like losing the motivation to everything. Haha, I’m writing as if I’m very secretive, with a god damn lot of complex thinking and plans in mind. Trust me, I’m just a kid that doesn’t know what he is doing until he realized what he have done. I got no plans, no vision, no complicated mindset. I’m simple, trying to act chime and secretive, that’s all. If you know me well, you will understand that I’m not that special after all, I’m not that ‘godly’ as you all have thought. I’m just like you, seriously. We are both the same. The only difference in us is the personality and character. I’m obsessed with achievement and victory, maybe that is why I’m faring better( As in not showing off or making you feel bad, but yeah, you know what I mean). Maybe it’s be’cose I want to gain respect and be in charge, that is why I’m a leader. Haha, I just like to feel superior. What a joke huh?

The ‘Darrell’ you know is just so simple. He doesn’t know what he is doing until the last minute, became the captain because he wants to be superior and respected and is achieving so much be’cose he wants to feel superior. I’m not that complex after all, I’m only a kid. I seem mature, I even present myself as a mature person. Deep down under, I’m nothing but an emotionally unstable kid… Whatever I said in the past or may be saying in the future is just crap or a ‘mask’. This whole chunk is the truth. Really hate admitting this all out but can’t bottle it up anymore. I want fame and glory. So typical human being huh?

Who am I? Even I don’t know it anymore. My aim in life is gone, or am I just making excuse for myself to emo? Time I grow up. Mature. Seriously. I should stop making retarded excuses to give myself a chance to emo, a chance to escape reality. That’s it, that’s it. Damn it, I finally got the answer!!! Yes! I’ve always wrote and thought so much crap, just for me to escape reality as I give myself ‘time’ to ‘think’ through things… I wasn’t like this last time, I handle every problem head-on.

Now, I’m trying to escape from reality. Come to think of it, all those emo post were crap, what friends not friends was just a reason for me to emo and waste time. That’s it. I finally got the answer to all my problems when I’m tying aimlessly. I ‘emo’ too much. It’s all fake. I’m just trying to escape from reality.

Life is simple, we make it complicated. What ‘life aim’ and ‘life principles’, all crap. All that I have blogged about, all shit man. They don’t exist, I created them to escape from reality. We live our life simple, we do whatever comes to mind, impromptu, no whatsoever ‘plan in mind’… We just do it. Yes. The answer lies before my eyes, I think too much. What enjoy life over endless homework, crap excuse to give myself excuse not to study. We are all too afraid to face the harsh reality, we are all too scared. We will never be able to put aside all these excuses, just to give ourselves time to prepare ourselves in the face of reality. We are all cowards. Life is simple, we make it complicated as we want to escape reality.

Sometimes things aren’t that complex. We are the one that made it complex. What care too much about results and shit? I just have to work harder next term cause I did rather badly this term and did not work hard enough. What cannot stand other people getting higher than me? Quite true la, but if I achieved results that are of satisfaction, I will still be happy, but if I scored badly, I would compare my results with the rest to make myself feel better, and sometimes, it might make me feel worse.

Life is simple, don’t make it complicated. Yes, I got it. Thank you gene. Without this blog, I wouldn’t have written all of this and solved my problems. I may even be indulging in ‘emo-ness’ now and stop studying for EOY to ‘give myself time to think through things’. What aim in life and shit, why bother making it so fucking complicated. We are all simple, we live simple and simple it shall be…

Yes, woHOOOOOOOOOOO!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

!

Just added myself as author. Hope you don't mind cose it will be easier for me to post...

Just wanna say, this to myself " Wake up."